Dear john, here is now my testimony.
Year 1995-2000 I worked as a private secretary at same time a treasurer too in my missionary friend who was also a godmother to my son ( i was a single parent). I do not only work as those positions described but also I teach kids ( childrens ministry), which my missionary friend started her ministry in Philippines with me in kids ministry and later we ministered mothers too later all family.
I was well supported back then together with my son in the missionary friend's home.Comfortable enough yet, deep in my heart I knew God wanted me to do something for the future which I do not know yet at that time and I know in my heart someday i would let go of my comfort zone. I was deeply bothered when I think of my son's studies and future.
Middle year of 2000 God one day, asked me to give up my son on Him, if I truly want to obey Him, and revealed to me that I would go to a bible school fulltime, I was crying because I want to obey God and sametime I too have my eyes and heart on my son's future. I have many reasons not to, but until for how many times I have asked God if He is really calling me and not just my mind to give up my son and follow Him , same answer comes into my heart "obey now where i will lead you and He will be my Boss"
It was not an easy decision, as a single parent, my eyes was so heavy in crying and my handkerchief was so wet that i had to press hard and sqeezed it to dry up my tears again. Many instances I attended services in churches and many times too are confirmations of God for me to obey Him. Yes, through God's divine intervention have pushed me to follow His will sometimes people needs a push to walk because we do not see clearly the future only God,( better hold on God's hand, the hand of faith) and for four years in bible college God never missed to feed me and take care of my son's need too and heals, when he got sick , God many times uses good Christian people strangers to you to bless your heart and the biggest help who contributed was my friend in Australia. Praise God for this single parent also who heard God to support me when I was already in the school after walking by faith in God's provision for two years and suddenly,a single parent had a big heart used by God and now married
BUt not because we are in the will of God (when I was in the bible school,) we are always on the bed of roses... no, God says in Deut.8:15 " Do not forget that he led you through the great and terrifying wilderness with its poisonous snakes and scorpions, where it was so hot and dry ...v 16b He did this to humble you and test you for your own good".For many times i suffered pain, discomfort and failure, and I found this God heals,comforts, forgives and forgets.It was the time for me that I felt weary and as if hope was lost though I was still still working in kids ministry as my pastoral internship training.
I was pushing myself to do because there was nobody yet that can help me to do the job for the kids.
Another, As asingle parent and don't receive enough salary but love gift only from the small church I was working. But I know God sees me and my son's need and sacrifes and my mother too at that time has a need of medicines for her health needs. As a teacher also in the slum areas mant times my own pocket has to giveway when I see needs to people whom you are sharing God's word
Christmas Year 2005, God allowed to touched the heart of a person I met through Christian websites and got interested with my work in kids ministry and the areas I have gone to, I believe it was the miracle of God, First time in my almost four years working with the kids ini this church that we experienced the giving of gifts, food, candies, medicines,shoes and clothes and rice to be distributed in families and first Christmas together with my son that through those times by faith he recieve his longtime dream a red bike and the person whom God was touched and used that is John Rule and later as he got married with Patsy then they together helped the ministry God entrusted me. May God bless the hearts of these special people who followed the ministry Jesus left on earth -to take care of the poor. Family,children and everybody on that Christmas 2005 was thankful to God.Praise God!
By the year later 2006 I was married ( it was an answered prayer for many years of more than 13 yrs.) and by the following year I graduated in bible College. The following months after graduation , my son and myself flew to Italy and to be with my husband. As the childrens ministry was turned over to my sister whose husband a pastor.People and friends were very happy and excited for me to come in a high class society as they called. Yet my God has placed another point of focus in my heart, "Do His Will", Before I left Philippines, I loaded and prapared myself and my son with prayer and in our quiet time with God to help us and protect us in the foreign land where he will lead us.
May 2007, the first sunday in the church we attended, on which language foreign to my ears yet my heart was touched with the message in Genesis 12:1 -4 as the pastor was read in verse one,The Lord had said to Abraham, " Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father's family and go to the land I will show you..." It was the very word God placed in my heart many years ago, and it becomes alive again. I felt in my heart God is welcoming me in this land He's leading me and my son. Praise God for His presence His leading.
In my marriage life, as two people becomes one with different country and different culture and different family background...There would really be a greater and harder adjustments to each other, My husband is a hot tempered personality, easy to get turn on in anger, and when gets angry can easily use words that are not good and could forget who are the people in front of him, my husband do not discuss money matter with me and do all the money handling and budgetting in the house and my bussines I felt like I only am a domestic helper and a slave, painful words when gets angry . It was a terrible feeling and situations in my life with my teen ager son (yet he is good to my son) , I see my husband so pious and good when in the church but outside church, he is free to do anything he wants. "Nobody sees anyway" as he says.
In my mind, as I have known and seen my husband's strength as well as weakness and our situation it came to my mind to make a decision to stop to put up with him and that is ...DIVORCE..But as I was alone and think upon all those reminders God placed in my heart through His word and as I prayed and read my bible God brought me to 1 Peter4:12 " Dear friends, don't be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you." 1 Peter 5:10b " So after you have suffered a little while. he will restore , support and strengthen you and he will place you on a firm foundation v.12b ( same book of Peter) My purpose in writing is to encourage you and assure you that what you are experiencing is truly part of God's grace for you. Stand firm in this grace."
Humanly speakiing a person can't understand this because for us who are presently suffering is not a good feeling not a blessing nor grace but disgrace, a problem that needs solution as soon as possible because we are used to dwell on this instant world.
But I sought God and asked Him to change my attitude and heart toward situations of my life because I wanted God to be pleased because He is my Boss, my Lord , my Savior. I have only one life and that is for Him, I was crying and God placed so much love in my heart for my husband he brought me to read 1 Peter 4:8 "Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other for love covers a multitude of sins" The word "deep" caught my eyes and heart to ponder. And since then God changed my heart and attitude towards my husband and situations. God made me as brave like never before to speak,correct and tell the words of God to my husband everytime he goes out of it, with love and humilty and with the patience of God that never say " tired" or "enough to be good" because we never are good enough in the sight of God, only by His grace we are saved. Now my husband though not totally changed to good but at least there are changes now in our marriage, my teen ager son recognized that his dad has changes and he thanked God too.
my prayer, "may the remaining days of my life be a vessel together with my family to give glory to God who is the source of every good thing that never lasts that is, salvation. To God be the glory forever, amen"